March 3, 2012
“So. You remember me getting drunk and walking into a wall, huh? That’s funny…I remember you being an complete asshole.”

“So. You remember me getting drunk and walking into a wall, huh? That’s funny…I remember you being an complete asshole.”

March 2, 2012
“Yikes. I just farted and my head feels better. That can’t be good.”

“Yikes. I just farted and my head feels better. That can’t be good.”

March 1, 2012
“The Germans have a word for the kind of despair I’m feeling right now…one I can’t remember after last night’s Jägerbotomy.”

“The Germans have a word for the kind of despair I’m feeling right now…one I can’t remember after last night’s Jägerbotomy.”

February 27, 2012
“Can somebody please shut off ‘Party Rock Anthem?’ That shit’s been on loop for like, six hours.”

“Can somebody please shut off ‘Party Rock Anthem?’ That shit’s been on loop for like, six hours.”

February 24, 2012
“Can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs, right? Oh, I’m not being philosophical, I’m just hungry.”

“Can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs, right? Oh, I’m not being philosophical, I’m just hungry.”

February 23, 2012
“God, oh God-what did I do to deserve this? Oh, right. That. Yikes.”

“God, oh God-what did I do to deserve this? Oh, right. That. Yikes.”

February 21, 2012
“What if everytime I blacked out…I just kept drinking till I blacked out the memory of my blackout? That’s pretty much breaking even, right?”

“What if everytime I blacked out…I just kept drinking till I blacked out the memory of my blackout? That’s pretty much breaking even, right?”

February 20, 2012
“President’s Day? President’s Day? You mean I dragged myself out of bed, feeling the way I do-and I didn’t even have to?”

“President’s Day? President’s Day? You mean I dragged myself out of bed, feeling the way I do-and I didn’t even have to?”

February 17, 2012
“Okay. So I remember running, running, running, falling and then…waking up. Must have passed out on impact.”

“Okay. So I remember running, running, running, falling and then…waking up. Must have passed out on impact.”

February 16, 2012
“Same time next year, huh? Okay, okay, that wasn’t funny. God.”

“Same time next year, huh? Okay, okay, that wasn’t funny. God.”